I recently got kicked out of a club. I have been a member of this particular club for 8 years and 8 months. It was not a membership I wanted or asked for, and certainly never filled out an application to join. I got sucked in against my will and month after month got pulled further and further into my membership. I felt chained down, unable to escape a club I knew I never wanted to belong to, never deserved to belong to. You see for years, I tried to leave this club. I wanted to be a member of another club….a better club….a happier club. But month after month, year after year, I was denied membership to this other club and sucked deeper into the membership that bound me.
At this point you may be asking what in the world I am talking about, or perhaps you already know. Let me explain further.
If you have followed me for awhile, you may have read this post, this one or perhaps this one and know the struggles I have faced with infertility (more here, here and here if you want to catch up some more). I’m sure from reading those posts you have seen my heart and deep desire for a family. I have been chained to infertility for nearly 9 years and although I tried to have faith, I admit there were times I failed. There were dark days were I wanted to give up and just admit defeat – that I was never going to be given the blessing of a child. I mean, God does say “no” sometimes, and there were days I was sure he was answering me with a “no” and not just a “not yet”. I had been denied access to the Motherhood Club for so long that I just knew I had been blacklisted for life. That there would never come a day that I would get my Motherhood Club badge. You tell yourself a lot of lies when you are chained to the infertility club – lies the devil uses to keep you in a dark place and weigh down your faith.
But I got kicked out this month. I officially broke free from the chains that bound me to the Infertility Club and I am a new member of the Pregnancy Club, with a promise that in a few short months, I will be granted membership to the Motherhood Club. You see the Lord is faithful, even to this sometimes faithless sinner and He has granted the desire of my heart and answered my fervent prayers. I am thrilled to share that we am expecting our first child!
I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27
I will always carry the scars from my years of membership to the infertility club. But now they will serve as a constant reminder that God is faithful and makes all things perfect in HIS timing. Being a member of the infertility club used to define me – but no more. I am no longer part of their numbers. The Lord has set me free and blessed me with a miracle I don’t deserve but that I am so thankful for. And in case anyone is curious, no treatments were required. God blessed us the old fashion way!
I have been blessed to have so many prayer warriors in my corner over the years and to all of you, we say thank you! Thank you for standing in the gap for us and thank you for supporting us along this journey. I know there are days I would not have survived without your love and support. We are thrilled to have you along for this new journey we are about to begin. And let me tell you, this little one is 100% worth the wait!